PERSONAL, Uncategorized

Autumn in Delft

Changing leaves, that first night you realise that you need more than your flimsy blanket to sleep, less iced teas and more warm coffees, apple pie, countdown to Christmas, rainy days and fuzzy socks.

I have never been a summer person but I have to admit I have never seen autumn to be as beautiful as the ones in the Netherlands. Maybe my lacking is because I come from a place where summers last longer and winter comes shortly after. In Delft, cooler summer lingers till autumn takes over in the earlier days of September and brings all the yellow and orange tints with it.

As the days are getting shorter, my life in the Netherlands is slowly finding its balance. Time passes faster and I find myself feeling less restless, more at ease.

And I have to admit that autumn days like these certainly help.

-Ceren

If you would like to see more of my photography, come and find me on Instagram  @crn.spymn !

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PERSONAL, Uncategorized

Life As It Is

Leiden in autumn

Leiden in Autumn

This September, as a 28 year old, I’ve started my new study at Leiden University. A challenging task which included me moving to a different country for the second time within a year. As someone who would assume that this alone would be stressing enough for anyone; I was restless enough to not only move, but move away from the country that my husband would continue to live. Hello long distance marriage and all the baggage that comes with it!

The commuting and the planning and the overall unknowingness of the whole situation is definitely not something for the faint hearted. Going back to living by myself again after living together for quite sometime might mean that I have to do a lot less tidying up (yay!) but it also means that most of the time I’ll be laying in a bed that is half empty (meh). All those little lost moments together is the harsh side of this new adventure we jumped in so eagerly.

Is it all that bad? Well, it might depend on which day someone asks me that question but frankly; no.

Being on the much older side of my classmates means that making friends is not something that comes as naturally as it once was. Plus, the fact that I’ll be 31(thirty-one) by the time I graduate and going back to the working life around that age is a thought I would rather avoid. Beyond all the negativity my mind tends to pour on me, my life is what it is: I am doing something I’ve been dreaming of for the last three years.

Living in the Netherlands, was an idea that we have always assumed to be well into the future. Doing a study here (let alone living) which will enable me to learn the language, culture, history, literature, art and linguistics was even beyond that. So why bring myself down over everything that comes after that point?

The answer brings me to my current situation: an inner struggle of going in between being grateful and wanting more. Being grateful for being here and having this opportunity to experience versus wanting to live here with my husband and get to try this new life out together. Okay, and maybe taking some years off of my age might also be helpful at this point but let’s not get into that just now.

Will I ever find a way to settle down to one of those feelings? Probably. Maybe. Hopefully. I’m trying to pick one that will make me the happiest even if it means to have to wait some more. After all, time is all I have.

-Ceren

If you would like to see more of my photography, come and find me on Instagram  @crn.spymn !

 

 

 

 

 

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PERSONAL, Uncategorized

Ramblings on Social Media, Somewhere Between Inspiring and Overwhelming

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Social media, especially Instagram has become a big part of my life since I’ve joined a little over a year ago. Some may even claim (okay, I claim) that I’m even addicted to it. They (yeah yeah, I) have a point.

If Instagram is praised as a ‘community designed to inspire you and share your aesthetic passion with like-minded people’, then why do I often feel so overwhelmed by it, rather than inspired? Have all the positive rays of artistry and beauty this app provides completely missed me?

With approximately 700 million followers, Instagram is huge. With influencers and content creators and feed editors; a whole new generation of ‘successful people who made it’ are popping everywhere. If you can make it there, you’ll make it anywhere. As someone who is a humble owner of an account with 2 thousand-something followers, I am not even close to ‘making’ anything. Normally, that is fine. Heck, it is more than fine, it’s great! But then, why am I feeling like I’m missing out on some secret club where I just can’t seem to get an invitation to?

I mean, with free products to ‘unbox’, invitations to ‘openings’, restaurants to ‘try out’ and parties to ‘check out’ and if you are one of those who really made it, workshops and photography or styling workshops to ‘set up’ does look like the new glittery life. And, who wouldn’t want to be a part of that? Punk is dead but Insta Glam is here to stay! One like  at a time.

When I first decided to join Instagram, I knew I wanted to do more than just taking selfies or posting random moments from my daily life. I wanted to post about what impressed me and made me admire. That was, this little city where I live now: Delft. The classic Dutch architecture and the little streets simply made me happy. I loved it in the summer, even more in the fall. With including my trips to other places here and there, I still mostly post photos of this cute Randstad corner.

Sounds and feels simple enough. Well, apparently not. As much as I would like to convince myself that I am doing this for my own pure pleasure, my hand (and my mind) still wanders every couple of minutes to see how many people liked my photo. Some kind of momentary relief, a hint of feeling appreciated.

Paying attention to which hashtags to use, watching the time to decide when to post that day… The lighting is off in this one. My feed is too crowded. Why can’t I snap photos like this girl? I have no set theme. He has how many followers? I should post everyday. Wait, what? I’ve lost how many followers? But, why?

Waste of my time, my energy and more importantly, my creativity. All the things I thought I would get from Instagram has turned me into someone who compares what I choose for the world to see with other people’s creations. An endless search for something so subjective yet somehow through the Instagram’s ‘like system’, so uniform.

So how to fix this? Actually, that is still something I’m yet to discover and practice everyday. Maybe take a small break to reset my mind and use this time to recharge. Who knows? Being an Instagram celebrity may not be in my future but I will continue to smother people with my semi-daily snappings of the city I live in and some others I occasionally visit.

-Ceren

If you would like to see more photos of the Netherlands (and contribute to my addiction), come and find me on Instagram  @crn.spymn !

 

 

 

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PERSONAL, Uncategorized

Mostly Here and Sometimes There

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Oh it turns out I have a blog!

Sometime last month, for the second time this year, I have moved to a new country. Like other milestones in someone’s life, these last couple of months were sometimes bitter but also oh-so-sweet.

For someone who always prefers to be on the safer side of things, I sure do know how to get out of my comfort zone. Moving twice in a year, starting a new study in a new country, learning a new language, understanding a new culture and finding a new balance in life while coping with everything that comes with a semi-long distance marriage. Who said life gets dull as you get older?

As I approach another milestone known as the big 30’s; sitting in a classroom, handing over my homework while planning my grocery days and wondering if it was today or tomorrow that the supermarket had 50% off on all the cleaning products, I agreed that our 30’s really are the new 20’s. Only where there is less soul searching and more getting drunk on better quality drinks.

After some time away from here, as everything slowly settle down; I will be thinking, writing and sharing a little bit more. I know it’s too early to jump to any conclusions about what my new adventure in the Netherlands will bring but I am not in a rush. Right now, I am far busier with finding ways to keep my plants alive and settling arguments with my husband about how frequently the vacuuming should be done (even though it is through FaceTime).

-Ceren

 

 

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PERSONAL

Delft: Home is Where the Best Stamppot is.

Centrum van Delft

The word ‘home’ has always been an interesting concept for me. As someone who has lived in two homes with my parents and three homes on my own and three -soon to be four- homes with my now-husband, then-boyfriend; the whole meaning of ‘home’ gets rather complicated. As I’m getting ready to move and try the whole ‘living in two different houses in two different countries’ plan (hello commuting), I can’t help but wonder: What makes a house, a home?

Ever changing; sometimes it is your possessions. To give an example, like that vase you put fresh flowers every week, the photo frames you hand picked one by one or -if you enjoy your hot drinks as much as me regardless of what day, time or season it is-, your beloved mugs. Wherever you go as long as you have your possessions, it suddenly becomes home.

Sometimes, it is who you are with. Either it is your family, your significant other or even your pet; wherever they are, everywhere feels like home. It can be your two cats -like my Misa and Taco, your dog by your side or even your fish tank, it doesn’t matter.

And sometimes it is the city itself. It’s very much like that familiar, warm feeling slowly oozing in your chest whenever you wander the streets. It is saying ‘Hi!’ to the café owner every time you pass by, or stopping at the same flower shop every week for some fresh tulips. You know the whole city is your home.

When I think of all the different cities I’ve been and all the houses that I’ve lived in, I realize they have all had a different way of becoming my home. Some are definitely more missed than the others.

All these thoughts bring me to my next destination: Delft. A relatively small city right between Rotterdam and Den Haag, is where I’ll be for the next upcoming years. As I think more about it, it becomes more and more clear that this city already feels unique.

I have certainly traveled to the Netherlands before but it wasn’t until I met my husband that I had the chance to visit Delft. As soon as you step outside of the train station and walk into the old town, this city somehow captures you. Historical, cozy, small and vibrant. Just visiting De Markt is enough to make me feel content. Even doing nothing much but visiting the little cafés scattered in this town is very well enough to fill up my whole day.

That’s why when we’ve decided to get married, it wasn’t so hard to pick the perfect location. We wanted to get married in Delft. Preferably, in the Stadhuis, right at the glorious Markt. And 6 months after that day, we were already making plans for me to start my new study at a new university, in a new house that we have just bought, only minutes away from the cityhall that we’ve gotten married at. Now, I have to admit that was truly something that we would have never thought of only a year before.

Me, joining my husband in a new country this year in March, I am already about the pack my bags once more for a new chapter that awaits us in the horizon. To make things more interesting -or challenging, if you will- instead of one, I will very soon have two houses to call home.

Would I like to have more time to adjust or o simply do everything without have to hurry? Of course! Picking furniture online and trying to squeeze everything to the limited time we had whenever we visit is no easy task, but with the streets of Delft that I so adore in my heart and our new beginning ahead of us, somehow I am not so worried. After all, home is where the best stamppot is.

A little note to all non-Dutchies out there like myself; stamppot is a traditional Dutch dish made from a combination of potatoes mashed with one or several vegetables. These veggie pairings are usually include sauerkraut, endive, kale, carrots and onions. It is best enjoyed during the cold, grey winter months. Certainly more often while feeling homesick.

-Ceren

If you would like to see more photos of Delft, come and find me on Instagram  @crn.spymn !

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